Just call me bro, bro

Already introducing you to my family.... this may be a long term relationship.

I'm an only child. But I was raised by another woman, Nina, because my parents worked so much. I wanted so much to have a full family, to not feel alone in this world. When I moved to Malibu I met two boys: Todd and Wyatt. Their mother was our real estate agent, and within a year of living here, my mom had found her best friend and I had found mine.

Todd and Wyatt are my replacement brothers. I think the letter I wrote to them explains it best:

Dear Todd and Wyatt,

It’s been almost six years since I met both of you. I had just moved to Malibu, and your mom was our realtor. As the years progressed, we became closer and closer. And I was glad too, because I finally had two amazing brothers to look up to. When we really started to become friends I was being bullied at school. But I was happy because most days I’d get to escape and spend time with you two. You guys played with me no matter what, even if your mom made you, it felt good to have two brothers.

I imagine it must have been weird hanging out with a little girl who called you her brothers. I would think that would be weird! It must come with embarrassment, and I understood that you guys must have been very embarrassed to hang out with me. But you guys accepted me anyway. I remember when we used to make those Lego movies and play GameCube. Wyatt would always beat me, and I still have a temper when he wins at SSB. However, Todd always got back at Wyatt for me.

Those are the brothers I wanted to have. Those were the ‘brothers’ I do have. As you know, I really look up to you. It may seem weird, or stalkerish (I certainly hope not), or just really really strange but I really have no one else in my life like you guys. To me, you guys are the coolest. Sure you don’t go outside all that often and we don’t really ‘talk’, but both of you are really my best friends. The best friends I could ever hope for.

During the years when I was being bullied, I’d always hang-out with you two because of our parents. I was really depressed, but then, I had suddenly made friends. You two were funny, had friends, were great at videogames… All the qualities I wanted. I began to look up at you, how could I not? Not only are both of you amazingly tall, but you are great at everything you apply yourselves too. Whether it is DOTA or AP Calculus, you tried your best. Not only did you try your best, but you succeeded at being the best.

I’ve been reluctant to mention our friendship now. We have been spending an amazing amount of time recently. Really, I have only been spending time with Todd. I have really appreciated our time together, and wish it could last longer. All the long Saturdays working on Study Island and the Fridays watching you play videogames, those were the best times we have spent together: in fact I believe that this year was when we really started to know each other better. Wyatt: for G-d’s sakes man, put down your phone. Seriously, I haven’t talked to you AT ALL this year. The only time I see you is (a) when it’s dinner, but even then you are checking texts (b) when I get a chair in your room and you are video chatting with your girlfriends (c) dessert, or should I say ‘textsert’. It saddens me that this year was your last; and I barely got to see you.

Well now, you are graduating. I probably won’t see you for quite some time, and that makes me sad. So don’t forget to skype me. Even a simple ‘hi’ will do. It’s going to be sad without you guys, and even a little boring. After all, you are my brothers. Not related by blood, but related by soul (I stole this line from a movie, because that’s how I do). I’m going to miss you a lot, just know I am always here for you if you ever need to talk.

With much love and hopefulness,

Rachel Weinberg

I wrote them this letter before they left for college, hoping they'd continue to talk to me. Needless to say, only Wyatt really talks to me. I bet both of them think I'm annoying, which hurts because it just reminds me how much time I wasted with them. I really loved the two of them, they felt like my only family.

It's painful when I think they think I'm a nuisance. I feel like they never liked me much even though they pretty much shaped my entire life. They are the reason I play games like 24/7. They taught me how to skateboard, how to boogey board, and how to awesome sand balls.

But when I speak to them, it feels like an absence. Like they are forcing themselves to talk to me. It feels horrible, HORRIBLE, to know that two of the people I treasure most don't even care about me.

It may just be all in my head though.